Wondering

I have been there before
Looking over my should
Wondering if this is the day
When everything comes crashing down
When lies, loves, and desires are reviled
When all the secrets I’ve kept
Come back to haunt me

Would It

If I told you my secret
Would it matter?
If I told you the desires of my heart
Would it matter?
What if I told you my heart is in your hands,
What if I said you could have it,
Would it matter ?
Do I matter ?
Do you think you could love me?
Would it matter if I said I love you?
Would any of this matter to you?

Gone

The days of waiting for you are finished
I'm no longer holding my breath for you
No longer will jealousy take grasp of my heart
No longer will desire burn with in me
The care and love I once felt is ignored
Buried deep inside, never to be opened
I morn my loss of you, but never again will I morn
Yet, even still my heart is halved with the loss of you

I am ready

I am ready to take a chance with you
I am ready to stay up in those clouds with you
I am ready to give my everything to you
I am ready to be high on you
I am ready to be ready for you.....

To long

Everything seems bleak without you
Life has lost its colour
Life had lost its meaning
I need you here
I need to know i am loved
I need to know there is more than this,
My life needs its colour back
My life needs the meaningfulness it once had,
I need the love i once felt back

To long have i felt nothing
To long has meaninglessness,
Ruled my life
To long has the loss of love,
Held me back from living
To long have i waited for you
No longer
Will i wait for your love
No longer will i wait,
For you to make me feel meaningful

cleaning my room...

I hate cleaning my room. It is something i try very hard not to do.
People can say its cause i'm lazy but that's not it.
I don't like my room to be too clean. That's just how I am.
When my room is messy its when i feel the most comfortable and most at home.
My messy room in some ways reflects how i am on the inside. I am very much a mess.
I am emotional, always sick w/ something, and either my life is teetering toward a pit of darkness or my life is great. More so my life is teetering toward a pit of nothingness.
When my room is clean i feel like a fake, as if for some stupid reason i'm trying to prove to myself that my life is perfect like my room which it is not.
I don't want to be someone I am not.
I would rather live in the truth rather than live in a lie.

I have a cold... ugh

Fighting for breath
Silently screaming all the while
Hoping someone hears
Praying this isn't the end,
Air no longer passes my lips,
My battle is lost,
No longer warm with life,
My cold shell remains.

Self doubt

Wallowing in a sea of self doubt
Thoughts of nothingness consume me.
Out of all I’ve known
I am pulled,
Dripping in absolute fear
Of the mysterious unknown
No, longer shielded by
Self doubt and darkness
That once ruled my life
Unbound light rules
This unknown land
With strength and power,
That knows no bounds.

she will be loved

Maroon 5 is a great band and i can go on and on about how amazing they are, but i won't.
They have this song called "She will be loved" it is one of my favorite songs. There is just something about it, so here are the lyrics.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain…

I think couple of my favorite things about this song is the phrase "she will be loved". I like how its she will be loved, so its not that the guy does not love her but that she is going to be loved by others. And the phrase "I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain" makes my heart pang for a guy like that ( sappy i know).
He knows he can't be with her but that he wants to be there for her.
The whole song is just incredible. When i listen to it at times i catch myself wishing for a guy like that. Then later i berate myself for being stupid. Yeah, i know its good to hope and dream about things like that... supposedly. But why wish or think things like that only to get your heart ripped out and stamped on? Its not practical, but I do it anyway. I wish for it but i don't believe in it.
Anyway, its a great song. The kinda song you can imagine some guy singing it just for you.