cleaning my room...

I hate cleaning my room. It is something i try very hard not to do.
People can say its cause i'm lazy but that's not it.
I don't like my room to be too clean. That's just how I am.
When my room is messy its when i feel the most comfortable and most at home.
My messy room in some ways reflects how i am on the inside. I am very much a mess.
I am emotional, always sick w/ something, and either my life is teetering toward a pit of darkness or my life is great. More so my life is teetering toward a pit of nothingness.
When my room is clean i feel like a fake, as if for some stupid reason i'm trying to prove to myself that my life is perfect like my room which it is not.
I don't want to be someone I am not.
I would rather live in the truth rather than live in a lie.

I have a cold... ugh

Fighting for breath
Silently screaming all the while
Hoping someone hears
Praying this isn't the end,
Air no longer passes my lips,
My battle is lost,
No longer warm with life,
My cold shell remains.

Self doubt

Wallowing in a sea of self doubt
Thoughts of nothingness consume me.
Out of all I’ve known
I am pulled,
Dripping in absolute fear
Of the mysterious unknown
No, longer shielded by
Self doubt and darkness
That once ruled my life
Unbound light rules
This unknown land
With strength and power,
That knows no bounds.