Life

Dance

2010-02-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

I dance around these empty halls,
Thinking of things that are to come
Singing of the endless sorrows of the past,
Wondering about the life ahead.

I dance around the problems I face,
Hoping to outrun them
Praying I can escape the pain,
Hoping to see the light of day.

Wondering

2009-12-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

I have been there before
Looking over my should
Wondering if this is the day
When everything comes crashing down
When lies, loves, and desires are reviled
When all the secrets I’ve kept
Come back to haunt me

Would It

2009-05-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

If I told you my secret
Would it matter?
If I told you the desires of my heart
Would it matter?
What if I told you my heart is in your hands,
What if I said you could have it,
Would it matter ?
Do I matter ?
Do you think you could love me?
Would it matter if I said I love you?
Would any of this matter to you?

Gone

2009-04-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

The days of waiting for you are finished
I'm no longer holding my breath for you
No longer will jealousy take grasp of my heart
No longer will desire burn with in me
The care and love I once felt is ignored
Buried deep inside, never to be opened
I morn my loss of you, but never again will I morn
Yet, even still my heart is halved with the loss of you

I am ready

2009-04-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

I am ready to take a chance with you
I am ready to stay up in those clouds with you
I am ready to give my everything to you
I am ready to be high on you
I am ready to be ready for you.....

To long

2009-03-02T12:30:00.000-08:00

Everything seems bleak without you
Life has lost its colour
Life had lost its meaning
I need you here
I need to know i am loved
I need to know there is more than this,
My life needs its colour back
My life needs the meaningfulness it once had,
I need the love i once felt back

To long have i felt nothing
To long has meaninglessness,
Ruled my life
To long has the loss of love,
Held me back from living
To long have i waited for you
No longer
Will i wait for your love
No longer will i wait,
For you to make me feel meaningful

cleaning my room...

2009-02-25T14:10:00.000-08:00

I hate cleaning my room. It is something i try very hard not to do.
People can say its cause i'm lazy but that's not it.
I don't like my room to be too clean. That's just how I am.
When my room is messy its when i feel the most comfortable and most at home.
My messy room in some ways reflects how i am on the inside. I am very much a mess.
I am emotional, always sick w/ something, and either my life is teetering toward a pit of darkness or my life is great. More so my life is teetering toward a pit of nothingness.
When my room is clean i feel like a fake, as if for some stupid reason i'm trying to prove to myself that my life is perfect like my room which it is not.
I don't want to be someone I am not.
I would rather live in the truth rather than live in a lie.

I have a cold... ugh

2009-02-23T12:39:00.000-08:00

Fighting for breath
Silently screaming all the while
Hoping someone hears
Praying this isn't the end,
Air no longer passes my lips,
My battle is lost,
No longer warm with life,
My cold shell remains.

Self doubt

2009-02-17T06:36:00.000-08:00

Wallowing in a sea of self doubt
Thoughts of nothingness consume me.
Out of all I’ve known
I am pulled,
Dripping in absolute fear
Of the mysterious unknown
No, longer shielded by
Self doubt and darkness
That once ruled my life
Unbound light rules
This unknown land
With strength and power,
That knows no bounds.

she will be loved

2009-01-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

Maroon 5 is a great band and i can go on and on about how amazing they are, but i won't.
They have this song called "She will be loved" it is one of my favorite songs. There is just something about it, so here are the lyrics.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain…

I think couple of my favorite things about this song is the phrase "she will be loved". I like how its she will be loved, so its not that the guy does not love her but that she is going to be loved by others. And the phrase "I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain" makes my heart pang for a guy like that ( sappy i know).
He knows he can't be with her but that he wants to be there for her.
The whole song is just incredible. When i listen to it at times i catch myself wishing for a guy like that. Then later i berate myself for being stupid. Yeah, i know its good to hope and dream about things like that... supposedly. But why wish or think things like that only to get your heart ripped out and stamped on? Its not practical, but I do it anyway. I wish for it but i don't believe in it.
Anyway, its a great song. The kinda song you can imagine some guy singing it just for you.

2008-04-19T13:11:00.001-07:00

Here are some really good quotes I found, hope you like them!

"The same words conceal and declare the thoughts of men." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

"Theirs is not to make reply: Theirs is not to reason why: Theirs is but to do and die. " -Alfred Lord Tennyson

"We cannot be kind to each other here for even an hour. We whisper, and hint, and chuckle and grin at our brother's shame; however you take it we men are a little breed. " - Alfred Lord Tennyson

"Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp. Or what's a heaven for? " - Robert Browning

"I give the fight up: let there be an end, a privacy, an obscure nook for me. I want to be forgotten even by God." - Robert Browning

"One who never turned his back but marched breast forward, never doubted clouds would break, Never dreamed, though right were worsted, wrong would triumph, Held we fall to rise, are baffled to fight better, sleep to wake. " - Robert Browning

"You should not take a fellow eight years old and make him swear to never kiss the girls." - Robert Browning

"First time he kissed me, he but only kissed The fingers of this hand wherewith I write; And, ever since, it grew more clean and white. " - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Girls blush, sometimes, because they are alive, half wishing they were dead to save the shame. The sudden blush devours them, neck and brow; They have drawn too near the fire of life, like gnats, and flare up bodily, wings and all. What then? Who's sorry for a gnat or girl?" - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"If thou must love me, let it be for naught except for love's sake only. " - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"All the efforts of the human mind cannot exhaust the essence of a single fly." - Saint Thomas Aquinas

"I can't dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven't got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy. And you can project it back at me, but I am only what lives inside each and every one of you." Charles Manson

"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy. " - Charles Manson

"I can't judge any of you. I have no malice against you and no ribbons for you. But I think that it is high time that you all start looking at yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in. " Charles Manson

2007-12-11T09:43:00.000-08:00

So today we started are exams...they were..well they were exams..evil things..lol its true though.
Not only was it exam day it was lets all beat Kayla up day!! lol Emafa and Willi attacked me when I was coming out of the staircase at school..it was funny..well more so for them than me.. but oh well, I'll get them back..hehehe.. lol I have to go save the world one step at the time. lol actually I'm going to take a shower but I am probably saving the world cuz boy to i smell. lol

My heart

2007-12-10T13:09:00.000-08:00

So this one my poems it NOT one of my bests I can do better (this poem is on myspace 2 ) lol I wrote this really sweet sonnet for english once i get it back I'll post it...

My heart is a tangle of fragile threads
Blood dripping on the floor
My heart is torn
Between two
I don't know want to think or say
I just stand there
A blank expression on my face
People ask me, am I ok?
What can I say?
That my heart is being torn thread by thread
That the blood coursing through my veins
Is now on the floor
My heart is torn between two
What should I do?
I'm asking you!

Bible class was funny

2007-11-15T15:18:00.000-08:00

Bible class today was fun and really funny. Emefa said something so freaking funny, maybe just because I was there...anyway I think it was willy that started it, called us girls fat ( he was joking) we were all laughing. Then Emefa said that we are not fat but we are all just big boned, not fat just big boned. I laughed so hard so did Amy (my bible & PE teacher). I love my teachers, even though they give enough home work to keep you busy for the next couple years or so..But I know that they give us (students) hw cause they care about us and about the knowledge that we learn. lol... not that I wouldn't mind a little less hw... hw is what I should be doing right now I guess....sick...hw...vile word homework is... lol :)

2007-11-10T13:29:00.000-08:00

Today's youth pool party was amazing!! It was so much fun, everyone was there. We played some pretty cool game's that involved a lot of running : ) the pool was really fun... Chip, Cyan, and me wrestled for good part of the time in the pool for a stupid volleyball no reason at all. Mark like body slammed me in the pool it hurt like heck, but was really funny. Wally spoke, he was really amazing. He talked about being able to cry out to God and to and ask of help. Also no to be ashamed to cry when things aren't going well. He's right, you should be able to cry when things are bad. And to be able to cry out to God for help. Well I tired and I'm falling asleep as I type. lol

First blog!! : )

2007-11-08T11:47:00.001-08:00

So, I'm sitting in my room listening to LikinPark and I'm thinking WOW I wish I could sing like that. But then I realize that I'm a girl and that Chester Bennington( lead vocalist for Likin park) is a boy. Also It's a probably a good thing that I don't sound like a guy, that would be weird. lol..Likin Park rocks! Well I have a blog now, that's step one. Step two is thinking of something to write......I thought of something! I found out the coolest thing today, that your tongue doesn't really fit behind your teeth! I never really thought about until yva was complaining about somthing about her tongue..lol and I came to this conclusion in English class to...it was great! : ) lol My hand hurts...and I have too much home work for one poor girl to take... I can hear the violin playing.. lol